I’m Done Trying to be a Good Mom


mom in red raincoat kissing boy. good mom. Des Moines MomWhen I entered motherhood I quickly realized it was impossible to be the perfect mom. Even if I met a standard I had set for myself, it was quickly proven inadequate by some other mom who I thought was doing it better than me.

I changed my perspective and decided I would be a good mom. Even just “good enough.” I would try my best and aim for average. And if I went above and beyond every now and then great, and if not that was OK too. I felt as long as I was being a “good” mom then I wasn’t a “bad” mom.

Well recently, I decided I am done trying to be a good mom.

Before you get concerned about the wellbeing of my children, let me explain. Once again, “good” became an all-consuming standard and I was sucked back into the game of comparison. I thought I was being a good mom, but then I would see another mom doing good better and I would fall into the trap of comparing my mothering and my children. I hate that feeling. So I have decided to ditch “good” and have instead widened my vocabulary with many other adjectives that describe my motherhood.

Today I was an imaginative mom as I played dress up with my daughter and had a tea party.

Yesterday, I was an adventurous mom when we went for a walk and splashed through the puddles after the rain.

Last week I was a gentle and warm mom while I rocked my sick baby.

Some days I am patient, present, tender or sweet. Other days I’m energetic, active, fun or silly.

Let’s face it “good” is boring and trying to be the same thing everyday is tiring. Everyday we could see our short tempers, messy houses, or fast food dinners as failures, or we could tune in and realize our strengths are simply different each day.

Motherhood is not all or nothing, it is a balance, and it doesn’t always have to be good.

Keep things in perspective. You don’t have to be a positive adjective all the time but maybe you can have an hour when you’re playful with your kids or even a moment of patience.

Our work as mothers is way too vast to be described by one single word. I encourage you to get creative when thinking about the kind of mother you are today, this hour. Give yourself some grace.

Stop trying to be a good mom.

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Casey is an Iowa captive by way of Alabama. She lives in Urbandale with her first responder husband Derek, black lab Dakota, and human daughters Avery (2018) and Nellie (2021). She loves being a mom and is navigating her journey with her own version of what motherhood looks like including shamelessly singing “Baby Shark” on command and eating Oreos during nap time so she doesn’t have to share. Casey works part time in the non-profit field supporting families that are grieving the loss of a child. In her “free time” Casey enjoys baking, specializing in boxed brownies and pre-made cookie dough. She also enjoys reading historical fiction books and watching Netflix. Her preferred forms of communication include sarcasm, emojis and gifs.


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