Motherhood has Ruined Me


Motherhood has ruined me.

I am officially wrecked from these children.

Ruin Me | Des Moines Moms BlogMy hips will never again fit into a size 4. My chest has forever changed. My belly will always have a little bit of pudge and a whole lot of stretch marks. My scar from my belly button piercing is stretched and unrecognizable. The bags under my eyes are permanent. My hands are cracked and dry from all the washing. My immune system is continually tested. I have white hairs. I am addicted to caffeine. My body is ruined.

My heart is walking around outside my body. My brain is a jumbled mess most of the time. My emotions have ridden the rollercoaster of birth four times. My patience is tested. My lack of creativity is consistently an issue. I wrestle with my faith. The call to be a role model for you and to show you how to cook, clean, deal with emotions, have healthy relationships, survive, thrive… are overwhelming. My insides are ruined.

Never again will I sleep through the night. Whether that is because I am awakened by footsteps to my bedside, or by worry.

Your face and well-being occupy my mind at all times. In all circumstances.

My intent to be sober-minded and discipline you can be ruined in a moment by your sudden collapse into my arms and a simple, “I’m sorry, Mommy.”

My mind does not have one track that it runs on; it is constantly thinking of the next thing. Trying to stay one step ahead of you is no small task.

When I pray, I pray for you first. I pray for your hopes and dreams. I pray for your battles and all future battles. I pray for your friendships. And, I pray for us. That our relationship would be strong and come easily, naturally. And, that you would be covered with the grace and love of Jesus.

As long as I am able, there will not be a day when I will not answer your calls for help. No matter how far away you are.

I am always self-educating and evaluating how to be a better wife, how to mother better, how to cook better, how to entertain you better. You consume me.

When you hurt, I hurt.

When you struggle, I struggle with you.

When you can’t see the light, I sit in the darkness with you.

You, my child, are worth it all.

You are worth being wrecked for.

If this is the price of motherhood, then please, sweet children, ruin me. Again and again. Forever.

Ruin Me | Des Moines Moms Blog


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