Des Moines Mom Movers & Shakers is an annual series celebrating local moms who are thinking outside the box and making a difference in the community through the businesses they own, organizations they are involved in, and the work they do. Check out the rest of the series and read profiles from previous years here.
Melissa Clarke-Wharff, founder and executive director of Can Play, a non-profit helping all children play without limits, loves raising her blended family of six in Des Moines.
Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.
I was born and raised in Des Moines, graduated from Roosevelt H.S., and went to the University of Iowa. I came back to Des Moines and settled in West Des Moines for the last 30 years. I lost my husband to cancer when our boys were 7 and 11. I was fortunate to meet someone else who had a similar story and we became the modern day Brady bunch! Mike has 3 kids with his late wife, my two boys and we were blessed with our daughter Ellie. Classic, yours, mine, and ours. So 6 kids running in many different directions, sports, music, dance, drama and more. Today they range in age from 15-30 years old!
What do you consider the biggest challenge of motherhood to be? Biggest joy?
For me, it was always about making sure each child felt seen, valued, and had their own time with us. With such a wide age range—from a child in diapers to one in high school—that wasn’t always easy. Every stage brought different challenges, but the teenage years were by far the most demanding. We had five teenagers at one point, all trying to discover who they were and where they fit in the world.
I remember one weekend when we had 18 different games, practices, and activities on the schedule. It felt impossible, but somehow we made it work. Looking back, those years taught me a lot about parenting. I often tell people that when your children become teenagers, your job changes. You’re no longer rowing the boat—you move to the back, steer a little, and do your best to make sure it doesn’t tip over while they find their own direction.
Another lesson that was important to me was maintaining my own identity. I wanted our children to see that both parents could pursue careers while raising a family. That perspective became even more important when my late husband became ill. I was grateful to have a career and the ability to support our family during that difficult time.
One of the messages we share, is that life can change in an instant. You never know what challenges may come your way, so it’s important to be prepared, stay resilient, and try to have a Plan B.
One of the greatest joys has been watching our children grow into their own unique people. We were fortunate to have kids with very different personalities, talents, and interests. Looking back, I feel lucky because they exposed me to worlds I may never have experienced otherwise.
Through them, I developed a much deeper appreciation for the arts, music, athletics, and so many different passions. Whether it was a performance, concert, game, or competition, I learned to see those experiences through their eyes and gained a tremendous respect for the dedication and talent involved.
These days, I might lean a little more toward the arts and music side of things. After years of sitting through games in the rain, snow, humidity, a comfortable seat in a theater sounds pretty appealing! Each experience gave us a front-row seat to watching the kids discover who they were meant to be.
How did you start Can Play? What was your inspiration?
Can Play was born out of what happened to my son, Jack. At age eight, Jack suffered six strokes following a medical procedure, leaving him with both physical and cognitive challenges. What I didn’t anticipate was how difficult it would be to find opportunities for him to simply be a kid—to play sports, make friends, and feel like he belonged.
During Jack’s rehabilitation, I spent countless hours at his therapy clinic. I couldn’t help but notice the other children and families around us. Each day new eyes were coming through those doors, with similar or more significant challenges than Jack had. What began as a desire for Jack to play with his challenges, quickly became something much bigger. When I started
researching I realized there were thousands of families facing similar challenges in Greater Des Moines.
Can Play was founded 14 years ago on the belief that every child deserves to play without limits. While Jack was the inspiration that started it, the vision grew because of all the children and families I have met along the way.
What’s the best part about being your own boss?
One of the best parts is the ability to create a vision and then bring it to life. I enjoy identifying a need, and building something that can make a meaningful difference. I also appreciate the flexibility. Running a nonprofit certainly isn’t a typical 8-to-5 job, but it has allowed me to be present at their activities, run to doctor visits, stay home on sick days etc…
What’s the hardest part about running your own business?
The hardest part of this work is that it never really turns off, it’s always on your mind. Whether it’s a new program idea, a funding opportunity, or a challenge that needs solving, there is always something to think about and work on.
One of the hardest parts of this work has been losing kids from our programs to their illnesses and watching them earn their angel wings far too soon. I feel a tremendous responsibility, parents are trusting us with their kids, and our job is to provide programs that are safe and meaningful no matter their abilities.
What do you wish you knew when you started?
The big lesson is that growth requires letting go. In the early years, I tried to do everything myself. Over time, I learned that surrounding yourself with talented staff, volunteers, and partners allows an organization to grow far beyond what one can accomplish alone. On difficult days, it’s easy to focus on what still needs to be done, but then I go out and play in one of our
programs and remind myself this is why.
What do you love about raising a family in Des Moines?
Des Moines has grown so much…we love the size, not too big, not too small. Drive times are still manageable. Great trails, music, theater and other opportunities to do a date night or with your kids.
Quick Takes
Favorite local restaurant: Simon’s and Fire Creek Grill
Describe yourself in 4 words: Visionary, Compassionate, Resilient, Determined
What’s the most random thing in your purse? Multiple pairs of readers!
How/where do you relax? I enjoy walking, kayaking at Raccoon River Park, biking short trips around Des Moines, and sitting on our deck with a glass of red wine.
If your life had a hashtag, what would it be? #I’mfine
Know a Des Moines mom we should feature? Let us know! Email [email protected] with details and we will be in touch.
