The concept of work-life balance is dangled in front of women in the glossy pages of lifestyle magazines and the serene corners of Instagram. It’s portrayed as a perfectly orchestrated dance where professional success and personal fulfillment equally coexist.
We’re told that with the right strategies, tools, and mindset we can seamlessly juggle meetings, courtroom appearances, school drop-offs, bath times, and bedtimes. It’s presented to us as a feasible and desirable goal that suggests there is an equilibrium where work responsibilities and family commitments intertwine harmoniously without one overshadowing the other.
For decades, this concept of work-life balance has been the holy grail for working women seeking a fulfilling life.
The Myth of Balance
As a young attorney in the height of the #GirlBoss era, I fully bought into hustle culture. But when I became a mother, I quickly found it impossible to maintain that hustle and also balance the immense responsibilities and relentless demands of motherhood. The pressure to excel in my career, maintain a nurturing home environment, and fulfill the many roles of a parent was overwhelming. The expectation to “have it all” and equally devote myself to these two worlds led to feelings of guilt and inadequacy when my reality fell short of the ideal I had been sold. I quickly became overwhelmed, burnt out, and disheartened that I couldn’t find this elusive work-life balance. What was wrong with me?
Then I heard the quote: “A perfectly balanced scale is the one that reads zero.”
When I came across this, it completely changed my perspective.
The balance I had been chasing was an illusion – there was no such thing. Work and life cannot be evenly split, nor are they completely separate entities that need to be weighed against each other. Balance implies a static state, yet our lives are beautifully dynamic. A binary approach to work and life is not fluid. It does not account for life’s challenges and demands that require constant negotiation and reevaluation based on our priorities and circumstances.
Chasing Synergy
It isn’t about balance and equal devotion. Instead, it’s about synergy or finding the right constellation of a work-life blend and each person’s unique blend is going to look different. Personally, I don’t want to only think about my kids after 5 p.m. and I want to be able to check the daycare app for updates throughout the day without feeling guilty. Some days, work takes precedence, while on other days, family needs come first.
This much more flexible and integrative approach emphasizes that perfect balance is not possible and it’s not necessary for us to be successful as mothers or in our work. That acceptance has allowed me to find much more fulfillment and I recognize that success in one area can complement and enhance the other. Synergizing makes for a more peaceful and enjoyable life.
The demands of both career and family are ever-changing, which is why the pursuit of synergy, integration, or blending of the two is a non-linear journey. It requires adaptability, flexibility, and a willingness to redefine traditional notions of success.
The myth of work-life balance may persist, but the conversation is evolving and it begins with giving up the pursuit of the phantom equilibrium – the unicorn – that is “work-life balance” and trading it for the pursuit of your individualized blend of the two.
